The Greatest Thing...

I love the movie Moulin Rouge. I don't know why as it is a sappy, pretension love story that would never happen in reality, but I do love it. I think I like it more for the music and the coreography than anything else. If you really think about it, can someone really, truly fall in love with someone immediately? I think not, but who am I but a pesimist when it comes to such things? I'm pretty opitimistic in life as a general rule, but not when it comes to playing with ones emotions. Boy does that back fire when you actually have such emotions. We all fall in love and get hurt and eventually get over our love, but it's that inbetween the getting hurt and getting over it that is the worst. The rejection that you ultimately feel because you obviously felt something that the other person did not.
Maybe the greatest thing is to just have that love, lose that love and try to find it somewhere else knowing what it will feel like if rejection happens again.

In a few hours I will be heading for North Carolina to race yet another half marathon. I'm excited and scared at the same time. For the most part I go into races with a strong mind and body, but unfortunately the past few days I have not been strong on either aspect. I have been fighting off the emotions that will ruin my run but fighting them seems to make them stronger, therefore I have succomed to them which makes it worse. I am the opposite of many when it comes to emotional eating; I don't eat. My carb loading that should have started Wednesday night has quickly diminished into barely scraps from the counter as I slowly walk through my life that seemingly is shitting all around me. I can't blame anyone; I'm not mad at anyone. It's just an unfortunate turn of events that bad things have happened almost on a weekly basis for me this past month. I know I have to suck it up and keep going, but I always do that. Maybe I should just let it out for once in my life but I hate the feeliing of depression on outcasting myself just so I don't upset others due to my upsets. And now I will be on a beach in a beautiful house for a week with my friends feeling like crap. I know they will all be there for me, but right now it is just so hard.