I had all intentions of forming a somewhat cohesive blog entry today. I even thought I would have a beer or two to start the ease into forming words onto the computer screen. For some reason I find it difficult. Because I find myself in a funk. I have been thinking about one thing lately and it is driving me crazy.
Anyway, I have decided to run 3 half marathons within 3 months. I ran the first one a few weeks ago and the second one is coming up rather quickly. This Friday I am going to attempt 14 miles on my own. Oh goodness...I have not ran that many miles by myself before. This could be an interesting feat. I am going to reward myself with something afterwards on if I run it the entire way and only stop at mile 6 and possibly again at mile 11 for a quick pick up treat. I guess I will run it at the park either from Brecksville to Pennisula and back or vice versa. Oh goodness I'm slightly excited yet apprehensive as I have not done this before. If I can do the 14 with no problems I am set...all set!! Ok, just think positive thoughts. Right now that's all I have going for me. I am seriously sick of negative thoughts and I just want to know if I'm loved or not. HAHAHA Yeah, that was out of left field. But it is true.I would have found out today if my dumbass wasn't so dumb. I don't like the feeling of rejection and I have come to the conclusion I like the quiet-if it's being left alone or just sitting quietly with someone; I enjoy that more than being surrounded with people talking, talking talking all the time.
I'm just going to post this as obviously nothing else is going to come from these finger connected to this brain tonight. Damn Dorito's, I wouldn't mind if I didn't eat a complete chocolate bar by myself plus a piece of pizza and a biscuit made for strawberry shortcake. At least I didn't use the cool whip; but the two beers made up for that. FUCK!!!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Interesting...
I have not posted to this blog in some time. Not that it really matters as no one reads it but myself or the one or two people that have the time when I say "Hey, I posted, read my blog!"
So the inevitable has happened, I have lost my job. I knew I would eventually, I just hated it there. Hated every moment and I just kept smiling and showing up like I enjoyed it. I think that is what has created such a hatred growing inside of me. Luckily I have a way of suppressing such feelings so as not to allow others to have to deal with it too.
I'm pretty optimistic that this losing of my job thing is a good push in the right direction for me. It was either that or be miserable for the rest of my life and regretting every future decision I will have made. Now the question is do I go back to school and get my masters or do I set out on another career path? What that career path is beyond me, so school is the most logical choice at this time. Two full years of hard work and studying, can I handle it? The funny thing is, even if I can't fully handle it I know that is what I want to do. I love learning and lately I have not been keeping up with my need of fulfilling my days with much needed knowledge-nonsensical or not. I blame it on the boredom and hatred of my former job. I never believed it, but it really does mess with your head on all kinds of different levels. I have always believed myself to be a happy person-someone that could easily fit into any situation and even turn a bad situation into a...well...not so bad one, but lately I just haven't been giving a fuck. I've just been tired of all the nonsense.
Instead of taking this as a horrible mess of a situation I am going to make this positive. So far I have the support from the people that mean the most to me, so let's just keep up with that and not fall into a crazy downward spiral.
This is a new starting point in my life. I shall use this to my advantage and not take advantage of it.
I have been researching the Library Information and Science Masters degree; I'm on the fence about it so I think I may take a few days to look into some other options. I really want to do something worth while with my life. Something I will be proud of saying "Yes, this is what I do for a living" not what I had previously said "yeah, I have a job..." Now let's just get over the hump of saying "Right now I'm searching my options..." HAHA Love it.
So the inevitable has happened, I have lost my job. I knew I would eventually, I just hated it there. Hated every moment and I just kept smiling and showing up like I enjoyed it. I think that is what has created such a hatred growing inside of me. Luckily I have a way of suppressing such feelings so as not to allow others to have to deal with it too.
I'm pretty optimistic that this losing of my job thing is a good push in the right direction for me. It was either that or be miserable for the rest of my life and regretting every future decision I will have made. Now the question is do I go back to school and get my masters or do I set out on another career path? What that career path is beyond me, so school is the most logical choice at this time. Two full years of hard work and studying, can I handle it? The funny thing is, even if I can't fully handle it I know that is what I want to do. I love learning and lately I have not been keeping up with my need of fulfilling my days with much needed knowledge-nonsensical or not. I blame it on the boredom and hatred of my former job. I never believed it, but it really does mess with your head on all kinds of different levels. I have always believed myself to be a happy person-someone that could easily fit into any situation and even turn a bad situation into a...well...not so bad one, but lately I just haven't been giving a fuck. I've just been tired of all the nonsense.
Instead of taking this as a horrible mess of a situation I am going to make this positive. So far I have the support from the people that mean the most to me, so let's just keep up with that and not fall into a crazy downward spiral.
This is a new starting point in my life. I shall use this to my advantage and not take advantage of it.
I have been researching the Library Information and Science Masters degree; I'm on the fence about it so I think I may take a few days to look into some other options. I really want to do something worth while with my life. Something I will be proud of saying "Yes, this is what I do for a living" not what I had previously said "yeah, I have a job..." Now let's just get over the hump of saying "Right now I'm searching my options..." HAHA Love it.
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