Yes really, son of a bitch. I only had one beer-in the form of a pitcher and 4 shots afterwards. Damnit. Well, this wagon definitely has a flat tire or something because I keep falling off the mother fucker. At least I'm waiting two days between stints. Tomorrow is not going to be easy-free beer after a 10 mile race and then I already made plans to see a free concert at a bar. Nice. Guess I'll be drunk yet again. There goes my plans to lose 7lbs. before my next half marathon in May.
So my friend told me she is going to run the full marathon with me in September. We sat down and looked at the schedule. We need to start our 20 week training schedule one week before our half in May. Holy crap, it gets closer and closer every time I think about it. I'm not ready for this! No, yes I am! I am so ready! It's nothing more than just upping the mileage, that's all. Yeah, and not eating crap at 3am in the form of chocolate, eggs and whatever the heck else I was piling into my face because I drank a pitcher of beer, two lemon drops, an Irish Car Bomb (that some guy bought for me ;) and a grape bomb. I'm not 21 any more but I sure was drinking like I was last night.
TO top it off, who drove home? FUCK ME!
Well, hydration and healthy eating today for my fuck up of a 10 miler tomorrow. No, go in positively and you will be fine. I'm going to get 1:30; I'm going to cross the finish line feeling great as I look at the time and it reads 1:30. 1:30; 1:30; 1:30!!! I'll be happy with 1:35...NO!!!!!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
abstinence
It is so easy to be abstinent from something if you have never had the pleasure of it before. Alcohol, sex, drugs, junk food or whatever it may be. Once you have had the taste of it is when you have the trouble of letting go.
For a long time I have tried to be abstinent from alcohol. I would go for awhile and then the better part of me (well, the better part in my minds eye at the time alcohol is involved) would take over and the cool, refreshing liquid would pour down my throat and go into my belly creating yet another struggle-the ever increasing waist size. I can't blame all my problems on alcohol-though most of them stem from it. Why does my brain like the feeling so much? I can't have just one and that's what makes it even harder. Oh I love beer.
I went out this afternoon to meet up with a friend for lunch since she had some free time (and all I seem to have now is free time). We then went to Burlington Coat Factory just to kill time. I miss those days when you just went around doing nothing yet had a good time doing it. I found out that I actually look good in those oversized straw beach hats. I almost bought one, then realized what a waste of money it would be here in Ohio. OHIO...Cleveland, the waste land of happiness. UGH! At least the sun is out today...and where am I?
I need to start living life to the fullest, take every compliment and good look as they are. Grasp hold of the good things and let the bad things roll off the back. I mean, I always have been that way, but lately it's been hard to keep up with it. Guess I will just have to work harder at it now. What a struggle. Well, if it was a struggle it wouldn't be real.
I can't wait until my full marathon training starts. I'm so scared yet excited. Running more mileage just to see what I can accomplish. I know I can do it; look how far I have already come! No abstinence when it comes to running; but maybe the alcohol part should be pushed forward more.
Well, cheers! HA
For a long time I have tried to be abstinent from alcohol. I would go for awhile and then the better part of me (well, the better part in my minds eye at the time alcohol is involved) would take over and the cool, refreshing liquid would pour down my throat and go into my belly creating yet another struggle-the ever increasing waist size. I can't blame all my problems on alcohol-though most of them stem from it. Why does my brain like the feeling so much? I can't have just one and that's what makes it even harder. Oh I love beer.
I went out this afternoon to meet up with a friend for lunch since she had some free time (and all I seem to have now is free time). We then went to Burlington Coat Factory just to kill time. I miss those days when you just went around doing nothing yet had a good time doing it. I found out that I actually look good in those oversized straw beach hats. I almost bought one, then realized what a waste of money it would be here in Ohio. OHIO...Cleveland, the waste land of happiness. UGH! At least the sun is out today...and where am I?
I need to start living life to the fullest, take every compliment and good look as they are. Grasp hold of the good things and let the bad things roll off the back. I mean, I always have been that way, but lately it's been hard to keep up with it. Guess I will just have to work harder at it now. What a struggle. Well, if it was a struggle it wouldn't be real.
I can't wait until my full marathon training starts. I'm so scared yet excited. Running more mileage just to see what I can accomplish. I know I can do it; look how far I have already come! No abstinence when it comes to running; but maybe the alcohol part should be pushed forward more.
Well, cheers! HA
Friday, April 8, 2011
The Greatest Thing...
I love the movie Moulin Rouge. I don't know why as it is a sappy, pretension love story that would never happen in reality, but I do love it. I think I like it more for the music and the coreography than anything else. If you really think about it, can someone really, truly fall in love with someone immediately? I think not, but who am I but a pesimist when it comes to such things? I'm pretty opitimistic in life as a general rule, but not when it comes to playing with ones emotions. Boy does that back fire when you actually have such emotions. We all fall in love and get hurt and eventually get over our love, but it's that inbetween the getting hurt and getting over it that is the worst. The rejection that you ultimately feel because you obviously felt something that the other person did not.
Maybe the greatest thing is to just have that love, lose that love and try to find it somewhere else knowing what it will feel like if rejection happens again.
In a few hours I will be heading for North Carolina to race yet another half marathon. I'm excited and scared at the same time. For the most part I go into races with a strong mind and body, but unfortunately the past few days I have not been strong on either aspect. I have been fighting off the emotions that will ruin my run but fighting them seems to make them stronger, therefore I have succomed to them which makes it worse. I am the opposite of many when it comes to emotional eating; I don't eat. My carb loading that should have started Wednesday night has quickly diminished into barely scraps from the counter as I slowly walk through my life that seemingly is shitting all around me. I can't blame anyone; I'm not mad at anyone. It's just an unfortunate turn of events that bad things have happened almost on a weekly basis for me this past month. I know I have to suck it up and keep going, but I always do that. Maybe I should just let it out for once in my life but I hate the feeliing of depression on outcasting myself just so I don't upset others due to my upsets. And now I will be on a beach in a beautiful house for a week with my friends feeling like crap. I know they will all be there for me, but right now it is just so hard.
Maybe the greatest thing is to just have that love, lose that love and try to find it somewhere else knowing what it will feel like if rejection happens again.
In a few hours I will be heading for North Carolina to race yet another half marathon. I'm excited and scared at the same time. For the most part I go into races with a strong mind and body, but unfortunately the past few days I have not been strong on either aspect. I have been fighting off the emotions that will ruin my run but fighting them seems to make them stronger, therefore I have succomed to them which makes it worse. I am the opposite of many when it comes to emotional eating; I don't eat. My carb loading that should have started Wednesday night has quickly diminished into barely scraps from the counter as I slowly walk through my life that seemingly is shitting all around me. I can't blame anyone; I'm not mad at anyone. It's just an unfortunate turn of events that bad things have happened almost on a weekly basis for me this past month. I know I have to suck it up and keep going, but I always do that. Maybe I should just let it out for once in my life but I hate the feeliing of depression on outcasting myself just so I don't upset others due to my upsets. And now I will be on a beach in a beautiful house for a week with my friends feeling like crap. I know they will all be there for me, but right now it is just so hard.
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