Twenty Niiiiiine!!!

As I was jumping into my new pair of jeans this morning I realized, as I was carefully maneuvering the top around my underwear, that I had put my underwear on inside out. Now, this may not bother the normal/standard human. But it bothers me to no end. What bothers me more is the fact that it bothers me so much that I can not just take them off and turn them right side out because the cotton has already touched my flesh and I can’t have that then touch my unwashed new pair of jeans. I could consider putting on a brand new washed pair of underwear, but then I would have wasted these already clean then soiled pair I have on already. The fact that I know this is probably not a normal person’s line of thinking gives me hope that one day these thoughts will suddenly disappear. The need to wash my hands after touching anything another human has touched it has gradually dissipated over time. Now all that lingers is the fact I just don’t touch certain objects that other humans have touched. Particularly door handles, toilet handles, condiment bottles, telephones, pens or any shiny, non-porous surface where the germs tend to linger-at least in my mind. The invention of the automatic doors was a God-send on so many levels, though I’m sure God, if one does exist, had nothing to do with it. Blasphemy! Whatever.
I was unable to lose that one pound I had hoped to lose before the day of today. Today being my birthday. I guess I should have set my goal a couple of weeks prior instead of just a mere 3 days. I thought I might have lost a pound by some miracle. I spend my days sedentary on my bum at work, my evenings running that same bum off, but then the ice cold beer in the fridge knows just the right way to call me for me to run to it in a zombie-like manner. Before I even realize it the cap is off and half of the cold goodness has already hit the beginnings of my digestive tract. So needless to say, that one pound is somewhere stuck on my body due to Mr. Labatt for I know it’s not my fault…entirely.